I'm da big winna.

I WON $950NZ on Lotto. WooHoowoohoo.

I will invest it wisely, but not at the Sister's of St Francis

I'm off to HK next month to see gramma. Dez is coming with me.

A man driving down a deserted stretch of highway notices a sign.

  SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
 HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
 10 MILES

Thinking it was just his imagination he drives on. Soon, he sees another sign:

  SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
 HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
 5 MILES

He realizes these signs are real. He sees a third sign:

  SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
 HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
 NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door:

  SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a plate.. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the plate, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."He gets $50 out of his wallet, places it in the plate, trots eagerly down the hall, and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

  GO IN PEACE
 YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
 BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

Lost cat

I spent a week looking for my cat (Sally) I tried the SPCA, on PetLine radio, Put up fliers with a picture and offered $500 reward on every telegraph post in my area, Had all the neighbourhood kids running around with prospects of a lifetime supply of chocolates. I Looked everywhere! Every night after work I was out scouring the neighbourhood on my skates or pushbike. Sobbed myself to sleep. And the little biatch turned up at 5am today!! I wanted to kill her!!

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.z
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I like this :)
Christians believe that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
My link of the month http://www.kasperhauser.com/khmc/

It's Summer

Ah. Wow, Ive just had my first 2 hour flight for months. Absolutely wonderful, I've missed it over Winter. My sister came with me, now she is going for lessons too. On the work front, I still have lots of jobs lined up. I have booked a harbour cruise for my guys & partners on 22nd December. We can get wasted for 4 hours floating around Auckland Harbour, then head to a club after to get more wasted.
Odd sort of link, it's how other places see the US.
http://watchingamerica.com/News/

Da joke.
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. He goes to see his doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The maN says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams, "Nooooo! I want a second opinion!"

The next day, the man finds a Chinese doctor and he examines his penis and says, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."
The guys says to the doctor, My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"
"Oh thank God!" the man says.
"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!

:)
Religious joke next month. Cross your feet Jesus, I only have one nail left.
Yeah, that type

My email today :)

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wa­l­lstr­e­e­t­bail­out@yr­u­saer­t­gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury
Henry Paulson

Just heading out for a 2 hour fly-around

oh dear, I have a slight hangover :(

I went a wee bit over the top on the rum 'n' cokes last night I'm afraid. Still, it's nearly summer and I can go flying again. Y'see I always look on the bright side of life as the famous MP sketch & movie says. Des is lounging around my floor, I should spill my coke on her to shut up her inane yammering. Our tortoise is missing !! It can't get outside, and I have looked everywhere. It must have had an insane burst of speed, but where can a crawler like him/her go to?
My work is cruising along nicely, I'm glad as I didn't really like the hectic pace of the last 2 years, but there is still plenty of it for the guys and overtime is still available.

Link for today. http://fstdt.com/

once upon a midnight dreary,
while i pr0n surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of "hot sex slaves galore".

While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
Suddenly there came a warning,
And my heart was filled with mourning,
Mourning for my dear amour.

"'Tis not possible!", I pleaded,
But my browser, so conceited,
Remained blank, I then repeated,
Just a blank and nothing more.

With a scream, I was defeated,
For my cookies were deleted,
So i begged, no longer seated,
"Give me back my free hardcore!"

Then, in answer to my query,
Through the net I loved so dearly,
Came its answer, dark and dreary:
Quoth the server, "404"

Mum's birthday soon

I had to go shopping today. GOD I HATE SHOPPING!!!
Those exclamation marks got all the evilness out of my system.
Anyhow I ponced around and got some jeans + T's + a red dress + hi-heels and mum's birthday prezzie. Her birthday isn't 'til Saturday so I better not put down wot I bought her as she checks out my blog sometimes. She tells me the dorky jokes. Hawkins Construction are sending me 2-3 jobs a week to keep me onside, that's cool as I don't want another 450 homes to wire up over 6 months. I like to have a spread of clients and also keep in with repairs & rewiring homes. My sister gave my cat (Sally) some shots for cat 'flu + some other loathsome cat diseases. Poor Sally, now she's very depressed and stays under my bed. She thinks she's been betrayed
ON TO THE JOKE
A woman sees a parrot with no legs and wants to buy it. So she asks the pet-shop owner how does it stand on it's perch. The pet-shop owner says it wraps it's little thingie round the perch and uses that. Anyhow she buys it and takes it home. Her husband sees the parrot and says 'hi polly' and the parrot says "I seen the milkman with your wife, he was kissin' her"
The man says "Then what happened?"
Parrot says " he lifted her dress"
Man says "Then what?"
Parrot says "He took her panties off"
Man "Then what?"
Parrot "I dunno, I got hard and fell of my bloody perch"
HAHAHAHAHAH
My favourite socialist site http://www.counterpunch.org/

Goon Show for Kez

I've spent a bit of time listening to old Goon Show mp3s lately. I loved these when I was a kid, listened to them every Sunday night on Radio New Zealand. One of my electricians has left to start by up himself. I will give him some my overflow to help him get started. I'm debating with myself wether to take on another one.
Ack, It's time for bed.
Al Jazeera

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that
keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now . . .

Reinstalling XP and other joys of life

Once more I've let my famous blog fall by the wayside. No excuse really except laziness. Yesterday I had to reinstall XP. Very annoying. I spent ages with some dickhead in India getting Windows Activation and then said bugger it and installed the crack instead. I've been flying every weekend since January as the weather is so nice. Plenty of electrical work for my guys, they can work Saturday & Sundays if they want for the double time. I do 6 hours weekends & 12 hours weekdays myself. 72 hours to feed my flying addiction :)

Cool website for guitar players http://www.guitaretab.com/

And my music tastes profile At Last FM
http://www.last.fm/user/TaGirl_Keri

These are funny and crude, but do I care?
12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '


10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

Forged Alliance is Ok.

Well I bought Forged Alliance, and it is good. Much more true to TA I'd say, tho a lot of players will kick me in the teeth for saying so. I don't play online a lot as free time for me is pretty short and playing a lot online to get better isn't an option. But the AI is OKish. I'm still pluggin away at Hawkin's Homes, nearly 2/3 finished now :) so I will have to get out soon looking for work. Unless Hawkins renew my contract of course. I won't know that 'til March though. anyhow, here's your link for the month. It's a news site I like
http://www.atimes.com/
And the joke. It's an old web joke that I've always been fond of.

GIRLFRIEND
TECH SUPPORT HELP urgently required

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately.
I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you run GirlFriend in background mode with the sound turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.

GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Rugby program, often trying to abort Rugby with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said that I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and that eventually it would require a Token ring to run properly. He was right---as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system! Then I tried to run GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature that I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have right now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented".
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a "huge resource hog". It has taken up all of his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife 1.0 is that it came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0. Well it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0 which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway due to insufficient resources.
HELP!! Why are these programs so hard to understand?? Anyone with any ideas please mail TYPICALMALE@WANT IT ALL. com

I"M POOR (again)

Electrical wire is bloody expensive. I have a heap of signed housing contracts and now I will be facing less profit because copper has gone through the roof. I'm going to a party tonight :) that will stop me moaning about copper. Fun site http://www.fark.com/
I played 3 games of SupCom last night. 2 wins. I'm so 1337. I'm starting to like the game more, that's probably why I won. So I have decided to buy Forged Alliance after all. It arrives on the 25 Nov. anyhow I better go and get my party booze.
Parrot joke

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls. Same old faces, Hi, Bob!"

MY FATHER CRASHED MY JEEP

Ack, I exagerated slightly, He bent the fender and our letterbox is wasted. Bloody men drivers.
I need a new pc game. SupCom is useless. I'm not buying the expansion, "Forged Alliance" More $uck@g3 i expect. I got Bioshock. it's underwhelming. My sister is playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion I may install that, but it'll mean a bribe to her. FEAR is quite good tho.
This is a good website http://icanhascheezburger.com/

As I promised several aeons ago. TA-DA. Chinese jokes. I'm very democratic. I hate everyone equally.
Chinese personal names & words and their translation.

Ai Bang Mai Ne...I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu......A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat........You need a face lift
Dum Gai.............. A stupid person
Gun Pao Der...... An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung.. Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding.. We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Kum Hia............Approach me
Lao Ze Sho......... Gilligan's Island
Lao Zi.................Not very good
Lin Ching.........An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding..Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn..... A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai..... A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be..... A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne...... A small horse
Ten Ding Ba.....Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung...A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan.... Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah...Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim..... Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting....There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan.....A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk...Irritating drivers
Did I offend you? So solly :P

Odds & Sods

I have been flying a different plane :) It's a Tiger Moth biplane. The instructor has been up with me for the last 2 flights, I go solo tomorrow on it. My kid sister has passed all her vet exams and will soon be setting up a surgery of her own. I am buying her an X-Ray machine and most of her instruments. Mum & Dad are paying the rent on the surgery for a year. Now, that's a good start for her. I just wish she would stop stealing my jelly beans, especially the black ones.

A new addition to my blog is good blogs/urls.
try this girl's blog.
http://symmetryquick.blogspot.com/
I should ask for her permission, I'll do that now.
I can't figure out the Link thingie :(
Klever Keri figgered out teh link thingie, & I thought it wuz unpossible

Joke on the starboard prow sir...

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician said, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

Poor Keri :(

SupCom expansion is due in Nov. I'll probably buy it, tho I very rarely play SupCom nowadays. TA is so much better. I really need a TA mod for SupCom for me to play it I'm afraid. TA units & the SC engine sounds pretty good to me. I dislike the mass fabs/ shields/ easy-to-get T3 units when the most important part is T2. They need more Slashers & Gollies. Even those horrible Mavs & pels are ok. But on the bright side, I have started playing TA again after a lng break. I have lost my 1337 Sk1LLz
:(
I'm feelin down coz I have a flu bug or sumfin :(

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd like to try it. The machine would take some of the woman's pain away and give it to the father thereby easing the mothers burden.
The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed to give it a try. The Doc set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 10% was still probably more pain than he had ever felt. The man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked for it to be increased. The doctor turned it up to 20% with the same results. This trend continued until the machine was set at 100%.
After the delivery both mother and father felt fine. The wife was relieved at having an almost painless labor and the father was still amazed at how little pain was actually involved. Later, when they took the baby home, they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

StarCraft2

kekekekekeke
OMG Zerg Rush OMG OMG11111
heh as you can see SC2 is in the works.

A man had a bandage on each ear. "What happened?" asked his pal "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "what about the other ear?" "I had to call the doctor!"

ps I done the loop and finished it with a barrel roll. I'm so proud. :)

I have been CORRECTED !!

Because I haven't been updating my blog. Some people don't know how hard and how long hours I work.Hmmph!
Now SupCom is out. TA2 it isnt. It's a good game, probably the best out there, but it lacks the spark of TA. Tho when a mod (Flying Builders) came out it improved the game a lot, opened up the game more, but then I could have used transports to ferry engineers to metal deposits. However I have trouble with the scale of the units. I'm also not keen on the Super Units, most of the mods are for bigger & bigger units, I'd rather see an advance in T1 & T2 units, possibly making it harder to reach tech3, ie more costly. atm first to reach tech 3 is usually the winner. It also needs more difference & variety for each faction. Ack, maybe I should play the game more.
I had a few flights since my last logon, I DID A BARREL ROLL, but I'm still a bit iffy about the loop. My instructor took me thru the steps and I know I can do it, i just dont think I'm ready. np tho. Plug for the site that i got corrected from. http://www.supcomtalk.com/ Spam it and tell him he made poor Keri cry.
ON to the Joke.

Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings.
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

Long time no see :)

Well, I got back from Hk & China on Jan 18th, but I immediatly was up to my eyes in work. Supreme Commander is being released here in Kiwi on the 26th Feb, (next Friday) mine has been pre-ordered and is the collector's edition. Meaning it comes in a spiffy tin box and has a few more overpriced goodies. Bah, I have a dose of the 'flu or sumfin, I feel awful :( I'm off to the airport for an hour or so tootling around the sky, mebbe shake off this bug that way.

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When
she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans
all gathered around to hear the details. She said,
"Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine."
"Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked.
She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but
he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow
job would be $75, but he did not have that much either.
Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine
said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I
can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting
the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one
hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one."
She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues,
"Then I put the first hand above the second hand..."
"Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge!
Then what did you do?"
"I loaned him $75!

Off to the Middle Kingdom today. YAY

NO, you are a dork. The 'Middle Kingdom' hasn't anything to do with Lord of the Rings OR 'Total Annihilation:Kingdoms. It's CHINA Hong Kong and GRAMMA plus some decent booze. oh dear, there goes my nice clean image :P Des & mum are running around in circles like headless chooks, checking passports & tickets. Whereas I'm totally cool, calm & collected. COS IM KEWL. heh heh. I put on a big dinner at a restaurant for the guys at work & partners. Everyone got pleasently wasted. + a good $$$$ bonus as a surprise. They're worth it, good triers.
aw well, I better fit in a joke before I go.

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?"
Nurse: "No change yet."

Two pals decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them is tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time.
Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says " My wife is much better".
"Allright" goes the other guy, " Let me go try the same woman."
Well he goes and screws the whore,
comes down and says to his buddy, " You're right man, Your wife is much better."

And that's it, I'm off to HK now

Dez's Xmas Prezzie arrived

I got Destiny a Zen Vision:M for Christmas, It arrived by courier post today. I WANNA OPEN THE BOX !!! Now she will have NO excuse to nick mine. I'm getting ready to goto HK next week, Mum & Dez are coming too. :( Still I may be able to squeeze a few days in the HK dens of iniquity.
On to the Joke.
A murderer, broke out of jail after 15 years and was on the run from the cops. He broke into a house,went into the bedroom and found a young married couple. The fugitive tied the man to a chair and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched the fugitive get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck.
His wife started to move her head violently at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his wife and hissed "I saw him kissing you. He can't have seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Be strong honey, our lives may depend on it!"
"Darling", the wife said spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me ... he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we had any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, our lives may depend on it!"

Wee bit late.

Heh, I've racked up 40 hours flying since my last blog. I let Destiny (my kid sister) twist my arm into comeing up with me. Na, I wanted to show off :), but I was careful. I got the B I G Hawkin Const contract :) 400+ homes to start in mid January. they accepted my gougeing price. I dunno why, probably my sparkling personality. :P Now I have problems as I will have to expand the workforce. I didn't really want to get big too fast. I reckon another 3 sparkies & 1 apprentice. My 4th year apprentice gets his Elec. Cert in Jan, so I'll have to see if he's gonna stay with me or go indie.
Ah well, on to the joke.

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably fishing with his buddies."

I LOLed at this next one. LOLOLOLOL11111 pwn3d.
And to show I take the Mickey out of anyone, it's a Kiwi joke. I'm very democratic.

A Kiwi walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Hm, no Chinese jokes. Next post. (I'm a Chinese Kiwi) Do you know what the Chinese call us Kiwi Chinese? BANANAS!!! Because we're yellow on the outside and white on the inside. I'M OFFENDED !!!!
heh heh

Rain today.

It's a great old Kiwi tradition that goes back to the dawn of history, When we have a long weekend holiday, it RAINS
However, I'm off snow-boarding later so I DON'T CARE, except it's a long drive. My apprentice is going with me as she snow-boards a lot. I can blame her.
On to the joke. Redneck joke again :) Hi Killer :P

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" the first redneck asked.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're queer, ain't ya?"

I gotta new(ish) pc yesterday :)

Amd 3500+ 2gig ddram etc. Not too keen on onboard video & sound cards tho, I'll rip my others out of my old pc and install them. Also a new cable connection with Telecom (NZ) as my wireless con with Woosh was teh Sux0R. I have spent all night setting up my proggies and desktop the way I like it + re-installing Firefox and all my Pr0N bookmarks. :P . hm, I must remember to do a system backup after work. na, dammit, NOW!!! Well, after my joke anyhow, Now who shall I take the piss out of today? Prezzie Bush? Na, he is the US Daily Joke. Lemme think........

An elephant asks a camel,
"Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a strange question from somebody whose Wiener is on his face."

Anyhow I'm off to do my backup, then work for 4 hours, then 2 hours of blissful flying. I'm lookin forward to that anyhow.
Destiny, you are a RAT!!! I deleted your obscene comments and added them to YOUR blog. I would tell mum, except she would LOL 11111

work work work.

I had a flight at weekend, 3 hours of bliss. Cessna 172 R Skyhawk. Perfect day, perfect takeoff & landing. The bit in between was perfect too. My kid sis is badgering me to take her up, I may do next weekend.
Problem 1....... She may get hooked
Problem 2.......She has no money
Problem 3.......She NEVER has any money
Problem 4.......As I love her very much I would end up paying for her training.

aw well.... Joke time

What's the object of a Jewish football game?

To get the quarter back!

Never could understand American football. All that body armour. Bunch of poofters aren't they. Stupid game. Now a real man's game is RUGBY

Gunfight at the TA Corral

I sometimes wonder who penned this. Another unsung TA hero. Something like myself :P . Listen pal I'm a brave Core KBot. I fought 3 Arm wimps in Painted Desert on Zone. Got chased all over the map and my ass kicked. :) But I didn't cry, well mebbe a sniffle or three.

It was a regular night, you know? Busy, but not too crowded. Command & Conquer was sitting in the booth at the back, as usual, telling old war stories to anyone who’d buy him a beer. Krush, Kill ‘n’ Destroy was there too, getting smashed on Castlemaine.
Elsewhere, the robotic exoskeleton crowd was celebrating Mech Warrior 2’s birthday over cocktails. Warcraft II and Age Of Empires were playing darts, and there was a bunch of balding old graphical adventures desperately trying to chat up Tomb Raider by the jukebox. LBA sat on his own in a corner, waiting for LBA 2.
Most of my regulars were sitting at the bar. Doom II had been at the hard stuff all afternoon, and was well out of it. He spent most of the night slumped forward with his head on his hands. I only saw him move once, when he sat up and turned to Duke Nukem 3D, on the next stool.
"You’re my best mate, you are," he slurred, slapping Duke on the back. "Shure, we’ve had our differenshes in the past, but as sprite-based gamesh’ve gotta stick together, right? These poly pol polygonal fools think they’re so smart " he turned round to glare at Quake, sitting at a table with Syndicate Wars and some space combat game I didn’t recognise " think they’re so smart," he repeated, bitterly, as they tried to ignore him, "but true 3D’s just a fad, innit mate? Just a fad, right? We’ll be played again soon enough. Shure we will " And then again he fell forward onto the bar once more.
Duke just grunted, and got back to his tequilas.

The flight sims turned up around nine, clustered together as usual, babbling earnestly about angles of attack and electronic countermeasures.
"Crk. Six pints of lagar, over," said EF2000.
"Crk. And two packets of cheese and onion crisps, over," added Flying Corps.

Then it happened.

Total Annihilation came in first, blathering into his mobile phone as he strode towards the bar.
"Yeh tell Dave it’s sorted," he was saying. "The extra mission discs are on their way, and the sequel’s in the bag." He elbowed the flight sims out of the way, snapped his fingers to get my attention, and continued to chatter into his phone. "Yeah, that’s right were talking MEGA dosh, babe."
I was just about to ask what he wanted to drink, when everyone in the bar fell suddenly quiet. The only sound was Total Annihilation, still talking. "So we’ve got a half million units ready to shift fourth quarter," he continued, words echoing in the now hushed room. The he noticed the silence.
"Hey," he began, turning round, "what’s " but he broke off, as the crowd parted to reveal Dark Reign standing in the doorway, his breath heaving, a futuristic pistol in his hand and a twisted look on his face.
"Gotta go," Total Annihilation whispered quickly into his mobile. "Ciao!" He slipped the phone into his jacket pocket.
"You swine," croaked Dark Reign. "Two years I’m in development, then you come out the same time as me, with all your fancy explosions and la-di-dah polygons, and suddenly no-one’s interested in MY revolutionary brand of real-time strategic combat. I could’ve been " he choked up for a moment, then recovered. "I could’ve been the next bloody Red Alert. But, no, you’ve got to come along and ruin everything. Well, I won’t stand for it. I wasn’t stand for it, you hear!"

After that, it’s a bit of a blur. Dark Reign fired, I think, but missed and hit Civilisation instead. Total Annihilation ordered everyone around him to adopt a roaming fire-at-will attack pattern, and stood on the bar to get a better line of site. Civ II, I noticed, dashed over to avenge his precurser, but ran into a pissed-up Mech Warrior: Mercenaries and spilled his pint. So of course the whole robotic exoskeleton crew whirred into action, and things went from bad to worse
Last thing I remember, before F1GP2 laid me out with a chair leg, X-Wing had TIE Fighter by the throat, and was yelling, "Gouraud shade this, you bastard!"

Like I said: just a regular night.

I dunno if this is true, I read it on the INTERNETS SO IT MUST BE

I seem to be running around in circles a lot lately at work. my jobs are more spread out around Auckland than I like. Played a little bit of NWN last night, (to sharpen my 1337 skilz against my gramma) anyhow I got KILLED in the Begger's Nest area. So now you can snikker. see if I care!!

Here is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party.
He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.

After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "Screw you," he turned to the bride and said "Screw you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.

While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge?

Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests at the wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and, best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.
HERO tag at Fark.com I'd guess

No Text.

Isn't she a cutie

I cant resist this .gif, pity I can't get her to move, Her dress blows up :) woohoo, that got your attention, but enough of this foolishness. There are serious things afoot tonight Sherlock. I have done a night flight (with the instructor, Thanx Tom) and it went quite well. I'm very proud of myself. Klever Keri. Tho when we landed I was quite shaky, flutterbyes in my tummy, y'know. I have to renew my passport sometime next week as I'm off to Hong Kong and the Middle Kingdom at the end of the year. The family's ancient stomping grounds. Actually I go there nearly every year to see my beloved Gramma, who is very kewl and plays a mean game of NeverWinter Nights as a Mage/Thief. Also she kicks my ass at MahJongg. Mum is coming too so there goes my nights in the fleshpots of HK :( aw well, you can't win 'em all.

It's a RedNeck joke today

Joke for Killer39.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Colorado was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Heh. Hi Killer, ol' pal, ol' buddybuddy :P

Bizzybizzy or Kiwi ingenuity

I've been so busy lately. Run off my feet. Now everyone say "AWWW POOR KERI"
Thank you
I will have to think about today's thing to laugh about. *Thinks hard* ack later, gotta go as a job came up.

Quick Job. another $100 in kitty.

A Kiwi guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and Jill (the Kiwi Barmaid) takes his order, a Speights, and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no.
He then offers to pay her $200 for sex.
Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders a Speights and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders a Speights and sits in the corner.
Jill thinks that if she pays him more some attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in New Zealand and he tells her: "Nelson".
"So am I... What suburb in Nelson?"
"Wakatu" he replies.
"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"
"Leach Place" he replies.
"This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?"
He says "Number 7" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 9! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"

Hi Killer39 (worstest TA player in the world) and an Arm Flash rusher too. :P

HE WHO DRINKS KIWI THINKS KIWI!

Sunday Flying and studying and things

I went on an early flight today. Ardmore Airport was very misty at 7am. I have my Private Pilot's license, This licence allows me to fly Single Engine Piston Airplanes without an Instructor onboard, but not for $$$. Then next on my list is Night flying rating. Everyone asks me why learn to fly? I wanted to. Will I ever go commercial? Nope. My cat Sally said 'HI'

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?"
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?" Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?"
Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody STARVING!"
That reminds me of another joke, but I'll scribble it down later.
Well I have to do some studying about airport regulations.

I got those deep down Telecom blues

Yesterday my wireless connection was down and today it's very patchy, so today's award for Joke of the Day is to all the dorks who are working in their local equivelent of Telecom. I'll post this without further ado as i may lose connection AGAIN
Thank you Sadistic Sid (of Total Annihilation fame) for these pearls of wisdom

Sadistic Sid: How to complain in Style

A letter to NTL, ( a British ISP)

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July, 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, modem, and telephone.

During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as drill-bit and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is rougly 35%... these are usually the hours between 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your NO-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman)... and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least another thousand dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care; it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy p*ss-pot of god-awful customer relations; that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction what a useless shower of b*stards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom, w*nkers though theyare - shine like brilliant beacons of success in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelingly will no doubt be quickly replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an exposition of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees. Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t*ats.

Yours psychotically,

Peter J. Dadswell.

24 July. Religion for the masses

I have a young apprentice electrician. This morning she rang me up to say she was sick with 'flu and wouldn't be at work today. I said OK, no problem. Silly lil girl, she had a party last night and I called in for an hour, just had a beer. She forgot I had been there. Too bloody drunk to remember! Yes, I only had 1 beer. Honestly, now would I lie to you?? Anyhow that shows you the trials and tribulations I have to go thru. Heh, we were all young once. Seems like it was ages ago with me :(

Sorry to all my eager fans for today's joke. It's not sexy. Today it's Religion.

A letter to your religious leader
........When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
........I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
........I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
........Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
........I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
........Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
........Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
........I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
........My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
If I offended your religious sentiments..... :P (that is a face with a tongue stickin out)

July 22

Well today I got a fax from Hawkins Construction inviting me to tender a quote for the electricals in a warehouse. Hawkins is a largish construction company here in Kiwi, mebbe too big for me to take on. Anyhow, I'll put in a quote (a large one) when I see the plans & requirements. It'll be large on the theory that if I get the job at least I'll make a few bucks, and if I don't get it, well no harm done.
My younger sister Destiny says 'HI' to my vast congregation of eager readers worldwide.
I've been reading some blogs from females 16 - 26 to pick up some pointers. I dont think I'll do it their way, whiney spoilt bunch really. Instead I'll give you the Joke of the Day column. If I offend you i'm sorry. (no I'm not)

Two male buddies were walking through the woods when out of no where, a poisonous snake came and bit one of the men on the penis! The man collapsed to the ground while his friend ran to town to get help.
The man arrived at a doctor's office and said 'Help, help, my friend was bit by a snake on the penis.' The doctor remarked that he couldn't get all his tools to the woods in time to save the friend, so he told him that he would have to suck the venom out of his friend! 'There has got to be another way' said the man and the doctor sighed 'No I am sorry!'
The man ran back to the woods and found his poor friend lying on the ground in a lot of pain. The man on the ground cried, 'What did the doctor say?'
The friend said, 'He said you're going to die'

heh heh. quite disgusting isn't it? LOLOLOL11111 as the 1337 say

Moses was commanded to come forth, but he came fifth. :)

I've made a blog. I've been thinkin' about the idea for yonks, but y'know how it is... Never do today what you can put off til tomorrow. I have had my pilot's license for two months now, today I was learning some basic manoevers. My longest flight has been from Auckland to Christchurch with a fuelstop in Wellington. The plane I fly is a Cessna 172R, I will post some pics when I get some. I have a Kawasaki Ninja but it's too damned cold here to use in Winter. My car is a Izuzu Mu, a 4x4 utility vehicle for running my work tools around . Lemme see now..
My mp3 players are a Creative Zen Xtra (60 gig) and a Creative Zen Vision:M. The Xtra is a real workhorse, it's built like a tank. It's been dropped 3m from our 2nd floor deck, fallen out of my belt when i was on the bike and went skittering down the road. THAT ruined the appearance a little, but it still works good. iPod D'ya hear me?. The ZV:M is a beauty, plays movies/shows pics, read books as jpgs, but I'm too scared to use it for work as I may scratch it when I'm crawling around under a house with a cable tied to my ankle & battleing spiders and then I wouldn't be kewl. Kewl Keri, I like that.
I play a pc game called Total Annihilation. The best RTS game out there. Mebbe Supreme Commander will be better, but I'll find out early next year. I have the SupCom preview videos on the ZV:M.
Oh well, that's my first post, I wonder how long I'll keep this up, or will it be like my diary keeping and go blank about 8th January.